Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Internet Etiquette?

Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Maybe I'm just old fashioned or too conservative....

But I've always been taught the whole, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all thing.

Seems simple.  I mean it's something I teach my daughter.  The whole golden rule thing.  If you wouldn't want someone to say it to you, then you shouldn't say it to them....

Now, it's not like I can't take criticism.  I know I'm set in my ways, and I'm not likely to change the way I do certain things.  But that doesn't mean I can't take what's dished at me, be it helpful or not.  I mean, you never know if your suggestion helps someone, or if they're rolling their eyes thinking, duh like I haven't already thought of that.  But there's a difference between criticism and just plain rudeness.

Example of helpful (well meaning) criticism: If your having problems with your black icing, try adding some cocoa powder to it.

See, addressing a problem that she felt I had a concern about with the intentions of helping.  And providing a solution...

Let's try another one:  If you lined closer to the edges of your cookie, it would look nicer because you would see less cookie.

Ok, this has more to do with preference or aesthetic taste, but still attempting to be helpful.

Not offensive comments....



Now how about the opposite:

"That cookie is ugly."

Ok....

???

"So and so's cookies are better than yours..."

Uh.....

"Your a giant *****"

Um...have we met?  Uh no....



What do I do with that?

See that falls into the category of being a little impolite.  That isn't in any way helpful criticism.  It's just kinda rude.

Still....people disagree...ok sure.  If you feel that you need to express that then, ok.

But here is where I draw the line.  If your comment uses language that is offensive...as in it would be edited from cable television, public radio.....Language that is in no way suitable for this blog..... it will not be published.  It will be deleted.

Sorry if that makes me an old mama hen, or THE MAN, but this blog is a happy place.  It's meant to be a safe space.  That is one of the reasons I monitor comments.  Obviously the main reason is so I won't overlook a comment if someone has a question, but also to keep this place from becoming a cheap pool hall (or something like that).  If it isn't language I would use, I don't think that any reader of mine wants to be exposed to it.

So you can dish it, but if I don't publish it, it's because even tho you may not like me and want to call me every name you can possibly think of, I don't think anyone who reads my blog wants to read it.

I may be a sort of abrupt person, and my preggo hormones may have had me me being a little more abrupt than usual this last year, but please know that any comment I make is ALWAYS meant in the kindest sense, to be helpful.  That's why I have the blog, answer all the emails I can get to, and make the videos.  I want to be helpful.

Will I respond to a comment of helpful, well meaning criticism?  Yes.  Especially if it's something I've tried before.  And it's not to defend myself, or because I can't handle criticism.  It's because, if I have tried said suggestion before, and it doesn't work for me, I think it might be interesting to an other reader.  All in an attempt to be helpful.  It's just another viewpoint.  Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for me.  And more importantly, just because it works for me, that certainly doesn't mean it will work for you.  Everyone has to find what they like and get in their own groove.  I'm just throwing out what I do hoping maybe it helps someone.

Example:  the comment above about the cocoa in the black icing, I have tried it before and it didn't work for me so well.  Is the comment wrong?  Absolutely not.  I appreciate that she was trying to help.  And I know TONS of people who use that method with success.  I have found it changes the consistency of my icing and that makes me a little nutty.  But guess what....I have some black cookies to flood this weekend and I think I'm going to give that method another shot....because you never know.  And it's all because she reminded me of something I had tried before and forgotten.

And everyone has their own style too.  That's something I've learned through the last 5 years.  It's like a signature.  In no way do I think anyone's cookies are "better" than someone else's.  I may prefer a certain aesthetic style but I respect and admire every decorator out there no matter how alike or different we may be.  I would never try to bring their creativity down.  What is the point of that?  Unless I'm insecure...which I am not.

Feels silly even feeling like I have to write this really.

But anyways, for a more elaborate, and far more entertaining post about all this stuff, please head over to Lila Lola's post about internet etiquette.   It's really a delight to read.  So much more than my little post here.

Plus you get to ogle some gorgeous cookies to boot.  :)




25 comments:

rumballs said...

I'm sorry you feel like you had to do that! People honestly have nothing better to do, honest to goodness. Your cookies always amaze me and I have used some of your tutorials and find them so helpful. Keep smiling :)

lizy b said...

Well, it stinks that you had nasty people leave nasty comments! I think sometimes readers forget that blogs are written by regular people with feelings. Good for you for deleting the ickiness! Now if we could just do that with icky people in real life!

Anonymous said...

they are just cookies! I just don't get the hate! Probably the same type of people who just send out computer viruses to shut down pages. Why? grrr. They should get out of their mother's basements, once in a while...take off the tinfoil hats, get off the WOW video games and get some sunshine. It would do a world of good! sad state, this soial media is getting to be! keep posting, we love you!
katpilato@gmail.com

Princess Polkadot said...

Let me take just a moment instead to say, "Thank you," for taking the time and effort to photograph your work and share it. You inspired many more people who never speak up to tell you so.

And, as I always say to myself when someone is giving me a rough time about my methods, "There is no One, True Way."

Princess Polkadot said...

Let me take just a moment instead to say, "Thank you," for taking the time and effort to photograph your work and share it. You inspired many more people who never speak up to tell you so.

And, as I always say to myself when someone is giving me a rough time about my methods, "There is no One, True Way."

byAnnette said...

Kuddos to You on keeping it nice!
and monitoring your site. You are right, I don't want to read the nasty and sorry you receive it.

I too am of the opinion "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I look at a lot of blogs and if I don't like something, I just don't leave a comment.

If I felt compelled to 'critique', I would try to say it in a way that was helpful or offer a solution.

Thanks for keeping up Standards!!!

Dessert Menu, Please said...

I think this sounds like a cyber-bully. Internet just makes bullying easier for some people. They can just hide behind the screen and say mean things to someone.

I love your works, in fact I think I love everyone's work because each of us has our own uniqueness that we put in the work.

Don't let some bad words from these cowards hurt you :)

SweetSugarBelle said...

Holla!

Anonymous said...

Anyone who decorates cookies knows the amount of work and talent involved. Silly comments like those referenced just can't be taken seriously. Keep on doing what you do. You are admired and apprectated.

Juicy Occasions said...

Well Said Girl! I was getting online abuse from my website so I had to disable the contact us form. I did a blog about it and it seemed people agreed with me.

Its a shame as it now stops people getting in touch with me with genuine questions but i couldn't take any more of the abuse.

Tracy said...

Ali,

Consider this, persons that are rude and critical, they are jealous...and I like the saying "at least they took time out of their miserable life to think of you!"

There is nothing ugly about your cookies and you are always so helpful and friendly.

Tracy HIcks said...

It is unfortunate that this post even had to be written, but you put it very well. As for that comment, you are being quite kind and gracious to say that it was a 'little impolite'. I am aghast that was written. As always, your graciousness shows through. I am with you on the whole "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Life is too short for such unpleasantness and after all, your blog and videos are about beauty, creativity and helping others.

Marlyn Birmingham said...

It is a sad day when being thoughtful goes out of style and the notion of being kind is too old fashioned?? Blogs and YouTube are a double edged sword they are the only way to share what we know but then we open ourselves to the world which is not always easy.

Brenda said...

I love your blog and all your cookies. Sorry you were subjected to a foul mouth bigot. Please keep doing what your doing and delete what you need to. Eventually, the trash will stop even trying to harass you. Hope you and your family are doing well and sometimes it takes Prego hormones to get something said and done that most sweet people would never do Kuddos to you my friend.

Brenda

ClaudiaIsBaking said...

Holy Cow! There's no figuring out folks like that. So sorry you have to put up with abuse when all you're doing is making my hobby much more enjoyable. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

The internet is now a place where people feel (too) liberated to say what they want without thinking. The majority of people would never say in person what they write and there in lies the problem. I was a lawyer for 10 years before I starting making cookies full time and my golden rule (a slightly different one to yours) is that if you can't say it to a judge in a courtroom, you don't say it. Or write it...... Don't make excuses and apologise for yourself, you are a simply fabulous artist and the terrible & nasty comments are a reflection on the people who wrote them, not you! Keep putting your work out there, we all love it!

Traci said...

I have never commented on your blog, but I look at it almost daily. It amazes & inspires me that you, and all the other wonderful people in the cookie community are so willing to share your talent, knowledge, experience, & resources with all of us "cookie rookies". Not to mention the time, effort, dedication, & commitment that it takes to make this information available to us. Why anyone would criticize someone who is sharing this wonderful gift is beyond my understanding. I'm sure I speak for many when I say that I am grateful for all that you do, and that you have inspired us all. Thank you for being you!

Joan / My Cookie Clinic said...

My advice. Just delete any negative or nasty comments and then forget it. Don't waste energy thinking about it. The Internet is a good place for those nasties to show their ugliness and do it anonymously. They likely leave unkind remarks on many blogs. Your blog brings many of us joy and great decorating tips too!

Elizabeth L in Apex, NC said...

Preach it, sister! I'm loving the insistence on polite, constructive discourse. It never occurs to me to comment when I don't like something, because I don't want to look like a hag. (See? I could've used a different word, a not-so-nice word, a bleep-it-out word. But was it necessary? Oh, no, it was not.)

I think you are more than kind to share your ideas, designs, recipes, and thoughts with all of us - and also pictures of your sweet little ones. (BIG hint.) And you are also a sweet person who deserves the love that most of us send your way!!

CandyApple said...

Good for you! I love your work. Be proud of not only your lovely site but your self worth. Don't let the trolls get you down.

The Cookie Puzzle said...

Thank you so much for the wonderful post! It is so sad that people feel the need to hide behind a keyboard and think it is ok to write hurtful things. I know several bloggers who have wanted to stop blogging, and post videos on YouTube because of mean and hateful comments. So sad...and so unnecessary. Keep up the good work..you ROCK!

Aymee VanDyke said...

This is a really great post. I am always encouraging women in our business to have tougher skin, however there is a line that is crossed when someone comes into your house ( Your blog) and rather than offer constructive critique, or a solution, they opt to be rude. At the end of the day this is how I see it. The comment speaks far more about them than it does about you. Unfortunately, women can be very snarky, especially when they feel a smidgen threatened by someone else's talent. I think we should all support each other. We all have different gifts and bring different things to the table. An etiquette book would not hurt those people either, but then again, they would not be the type to even bother anyway ..LOL Thank you for the post and for sharing :)

D.J. said...

If you're old fashioned than I must be too. What happened to be kind, polite, encouraging? Where did manners go? It never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be when hidden behind their computer screens. These types must lead very sad, pathetic little lives to get pleasure in attempting to make others feel as miserable as they do. I L-O-V-E your cookies and think you're kinda special too!
Hugs,
D.J.

Paula said...

Thank heavens for all the goodness in the world. For every rude, obnoxious, uncalled for comment there are hundreds of readers who take the time to leave a word of encouragement, or a lovely compliment on millions of posts around the inter-web. Never let the naysayers discourage you or get you down. You, your work and your site are loved, respected and admired by many. Remember that the next time one of the rude comments appear and smile with confidence as you hit delete.

Terri said...

Anyone who says that your cookies are "ugly" are either blind, jealous or not playing with a full deck--or all three! I've never seen anything but beautiful things come across your site (including that baby boy). Thanks for sharing your work and putting yourself out there, even when mankind shows its dark side by being unkind, petty and rude. Hang in there and keep on baking! :-D

 

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